am i doing the right thing?

When I promised my kids I’d help them apply to American universities, I tried to be realistic with them. If they wanted even a chance, I told them, they had to get A’s and B’s in school. I also gave them a 400-page SAT study guide and told them to work through it pang’ono pang’ono (little by little).

And of course they didn’t. Who could blame them? Has anyone ever actually made it all the way through one of those SAT study guides — let alone one that’s in a foreign language, and you have no one to help you understand it?

Why are we still using the SAT anyway? Don’t we all know that it only measures a narrow kind of intelligence? And that the best way to study is to learn how the questions are trying to trick you?

As long as I was worrying about things I couldn’t change, how about this: Was I changing the social dynamic in Chikweo? How many of my former neighbors thought I was only helping Friday because I loved him best? Would there be jealousy, backlash toward his family? Not to mention I’m basically perpetuating the idea that the solution to Malawians’ problems isn’t to improve Malawi, but to flee to a foreign country.

But you know what? Friday had a dream, and I didn’t want to be the one to tell him he couldn’t chase it. Let the admissions departments make their decisions based on Friday’s ability — I was just introducing a talented student to some reputable schools. The world can be a harsh, unfair place. The one thing we can control is our own energy. So why not use it to be a force for kindness and equality?

According to the national conversation of the ’90s, I was doomed: a poor kid from a dinky farm-town with a single mother and a deadbeat dad. And as if all that weren’t bad enough, I was a girl. But I was lucky. There were adults in my life who shared their knowledge with me, directed me to resources, and used their energy to clear a path for me. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for them.

I was determined to help Friday because I believed in him. But I was also doing it for my VSAC counselor Sean and Ms. Scott and Ms. Chaput and Ms. B-C and Mr. Trombley and everybody else who believed in me. For this crazy belief we share: Poor kids deserve to go to college too.